So I'm kind of Freaking Out...
I sit here in a recliner watching TV while my kids eat popcorn and ice cream and my husband lays on "the cool couch" (it's the couch sitting over the air vent so it stays cool) reading a book. I'm not really watching TV though. I have a running banner in my brain listing all the things coming up, goals I want to accomplish, along with a wonder of "what am I forgetting?". On my 38th birthday (back in November) I came up with a "Fabulous by Forty" plan. It gets me out of debt. It sets goals for my career. It even has aspects of getting healthier and becoming a happier individual. I think that it is the first long-term goal that I have set up that I am focused fully on accomplishing. It's also the first goal that I set for myself that I am truly scared of messing up because I have wanted it for so long and have never truly figured out a way to accomplish it. Yet now I have a feasible, working plan.
Some of the goals include getting stronger by going to the gym, get out of debt, go back to school so I have more career options, and enjoy each day to the fullest instead of being so concerned with the future. (I swear I'm a freaking paradox.) The goal of getting stronger starts this week. I had the pleasure of winning a membership to Anytime Fitness and getting a personal trainer for 3 days a week. I start tomorrow with Carlye. I've always enjoyed my conversations with Carlye. I have watched her journey of getting healthy and feel she will be great for me. My goal to get out of debt is going quicker than I expected goes hand in hand with my goals for my career and going back to school. I start my Master's degree on Monday and that alone has me freaked out. What on earth have I gotten myself into? I usually ask myself that anytime I have gone back to school. This time I have a goal and a desire like never before to succeed. I am ready for a change. And my goal to be more present and enjoy my days to the fullest, I'm working on that.
I feel like the pressure to be a great mom, wife, and friend has always been a part of a woman's life. The phrase "keeping up with the Jones'" didn't come from people running a race. :) I'm not trying to keep up with anyone. Heck, I'm happy to make it through my crazy schedule. I can't imagine trying to keep up with someone else. I do feel that with the creation of social media and sites like Pinterest that feature a person's awesomeness and the sharing of cool ideas, it is more in-your-face how amazing other people are.
I had a friend tell me once that she wished she had it all together like I did. I literally laughed out loud. I have been told I'm a lot of things, but having it "all together" was a new one for me. I thanked her for her compliment but quickly let her know that her sweet compliment was not how I viewed things as an insider of this creative mess that I live in. That moment made me realize that we all tend to focus on the negative things that surround us. It's actually a mark of evolution and the survival of the fittest. We are naturally programmed in this fallen state to take note of the bad situations so that we can move away from them for survival's sake. So it goes against our natural selves to focus on the positive. Hence why I focus on the 4 loads of laundry that I need to put away and the mess in the kitchen, or the 30 lbs I want to lose, instead of the fact that I am blessed with clothes to wear or that the mess was caused from having food to eat, or that I gained weight because I am well fed. It also reminded me that I don't look at the flaws of people (usually). I will notice little things here and there but usually I will think things like, "Man I wish I was nice like Valerie." or "I wish I was as pretty as Sarah." I think of all of my friends and their amazing qualities, not their flaws.
I am a creative and organized person. I know that school will be fine and any plan that I commit to I will rock. That is just how I have disciplined myself to be. My goal to live in the present will be a challenge. I am a classic planner who loves to make lists and check off the lists and then make new lists because the old list isn't good enough. My lists usually don't include things like, "stop what you are doing and learn how to play that video game with your son", or "look up from your phone and focus on your husband". No my lists include cleaning schedules and grocery lists and 5 year plans. If I accomplish anything off of this "Fabulous by Forty" list, it is to learn to live in the moment.
And that's what this blog is for. It creates accountability. It creates a journal to show progress. It gives me a place to show others how much I do not have my life together and maybe helps them feel better knowing that they are not alone (Or lets them gloat that they are not such a hot mess like me). Right now, I'm going to go and start my journey of living in the moment and go hang out with my kids at the city pool.
***Note***I have already been to the city pool once tonight just to turn around and come home because I found out that I came at the wrong time for open swim. However on the way there, as I was kind of huffy about the kids bugging me and how we were going to get there too early, the boys said, "That's ok mom if we get there too early. It will give us time to spend with you, just you." Levi went on to tell me how they never saw me during the school year because of our different schedules and then reminded me how they never see me on weekends because of my work schedule. It just reinforced how much these goals mean to me. My kids need me and want me and I need to focus on that since they will be gone in a flash one of these days and I don't want to regret time I missed out. So, I'm off to the city pool again and I will make sure that I live in the moment. :)
Some of the goals include getting stronger by going to the gym, get out of debt, go back to school so I have more career options, and enjoy each day to the fullest instead of being so concerned with the future. (I swear I'm a freaking paradox.) The goal of getting stronger starts this week. I had the pleasure of winning a membership to Anytime Fitness and getting a personal trainer for 3 days a week. I start tomorrow with Carlye. I've always enjoyed my conversations with Carlye. I have watched her journey of getting healthy and feel she will be great for me. My goal to get out of debt is going quicker than I expected goes hand in hand with my goals for my career and going back to school. I start my Master's degree on Monday and that alone has me freaked out. What on earth have I gotten myself into? I usually ask myself that anytime I have gone back to school. This time I have a goal and a desire like never before to succeed. I am ready for a change. And my goal to be more present and enjoy my days to the fullest, I'm working on that.
I feel like the pressure to be a great mom, wife, and friend has always been a part of a woman's life. The phrase "keeping up with the Jones'" didn't come from people running a race. :) I'm not trying to keep up with anyone. Heck, I'm happy to make it through my crazy schedule. I can't imagine trying to keep up with someone else. I do feel that with the creation of social media and sites like Pinterest that feature a person's awesomeness and the sharing of cool ideas, it is more in-your-face how amazing other people are.
I had a friend tell me once that she wished she had it all together like I did. I literally laughed out loud. I have been told I'm a lot of things, but having it "all together" was a new one for me. I thanked her for her compliment but quickly let her know that her sweet compliment was not how I viewed things as an insider of this creative mess that I live in. That moment made me realize that we all tend to focus on the negative things that surround us. It's actually a mark of evolution and the survival of the fittest. We are naturally programmed in this fallen state to take note of the bad situations so that we can move away from them for survival's sake. So it goes against our natural selves to focus on the positive. Hence why I focus on the 4 loads of laundry that I need to put away and the mess in the kitchen, or the 30 lbs I want to lose, instead of the fact that I am blessed with clothes to wear or that the mess was caused from having food to eat, or that I gained weight because I am well fed. It also reminded me that I don't look at the flaws of people (usually). I will notice little things here and there but usually I will think things like, "Man I wish I was nice like Valerie." or "I wish I was as pretty as Sarah." I think of all of my friends and their amazing qualities, not their flaws.
I am a creative and organized person. I know that school will be fine and any plan that I commit to I will rock. That is just how I have disciplined myself to be. My goal to live in the present will be a challenge. I am a classic planner who loves to make lists and check off the lists and then make new lists because the old list isn't good enough. My lists usually don't include things like, "stop what you are doing and learn how to play that video game with your son", or "look up from your phone and focus on your husband". No my lists include cleaning schedules and grocery lists and 5 year plans. If I accomplish anything off of this "Fabulous by Forty" list, it is to learn to live in the moment.
And that's what this blog is for. It creates accountability. It creates a journal to show progress. It gives me a place to show others how much I do not have my life together and maybe helps them feel better knowing that they are not alone (Or lets them gloat that they are not such a hot mess like me). Right now, I'm going to go and start my journey of living in the moment and go hang out with my kids at the city pool.
***Note***I have already been to the city pool once tonight just to turn around and come home because I found out that I came at the wrong time for open swim. However on the way there, as I was kind of huffy about the kids bugging me and how we were going to get there too early, the boys said, "That's ok mom if we get there too early. It will give us time to spend with you, just you." Levi went on to tell me how they never saw me during the school year because of our different schedules and then reminded me how they never see me on weekends because of my work schedule. It just reinforced how much these goals mean to me. My kids need me and want me and I need to focus on that since they will be gone in a flash one of these days and I don't want to regret time I missed out. So, I'm off to the city pool again and I will make sure that I live in the moment. :)
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